…then Instagram pictures must be work ONE MILLION WORDS! Hence, I think these Instagram shots should sufficiently make up for my lack of posting over the last, oh… little while. Hats, crafts, friends, food, puppy, those are my layers people.
1) Find a friend
2) Compose a song about penetration
3) Have beards
4) Repeat
For more instruction, refer to this video.
*Disclaimer: I have not slept with either members of Flight of the Conchords.
**Disclaimer: But I would.
Andre 3000 should rap bed time stories to me. Every night. Erotic bedtime stories.
I guess Drake can come too, but I draw the line at Lil Wayne.
Last weekend I saw my favourite GTA/Niagara Region (Hamilton… I think it’s up for debate) band Arkells perform in at the Hamilton Convention Centre, and ever since I’ve been riding a wave of love for them. It was the 5th or 6th time I’ve seen them, and similar to the way I feel each time I finish watching “The Princess Bride”, I am never disappointed. Anyhoo, this, paired with constant procrastination of homework (yes, it’s only the second week of the semester. Who do you think you are, Judge Reinhold?!) lead to lots of YouTube wandering, which let me to THIS video! A beautiful piano version of my current favourite Arkells tune “On Paper”. For some reason the audio is paired with a Lana Del Ray video, but I chose to close my eyes and enjoy it all the same.
You can thank me later…
The first week of January was a grim one. The shock of Christmas shopping credit card bills resulted in all those remorseful shoppers staying home instead of shopping for hats. Thus, I had zero shifts at work. However, most people who maintain real jobs went back to work, so my social rolodex shrunk significantly. And, holiday excitement officially wore off while holiday exhaustion kicked in, so nobody (myself included) could summon the energy to leave their homes. Even if they spent their days sleeping till 3, eating melted cheese off a plate, and doing nothing but watching marathons of “Roseanne” and “Say Yes to the Dress” (not me obviously, that was… a friend). 6 days of this was incredibly depressing, or, so my friend told me. So this week when I finally went back to school, it was a big shock to my system to say the least. The first challenge obviously was waking up. I won’t lie, there was a day or two that I showed up to school in the same sweat pants that I’d slept in. I wisely kept my shame hidden beneath my giant parka. Furthermore, I was barely able to even summon brain power to a) listen in class, b) maintain focus long enough to read a 14 line poem, c) function period. Luckily the first week is never too demanding, so big picture speaking, it’s best to be zoned out this week than any other time throughout the semester. Since I granted myself this allowance, I’ve been partaking in my favourite brain dead school activity: beard watching. I position myself in the caf, on a hallway bench, or in my current location, in the library (at a table by the front door so I can watch the beard parade march through). The bearded objects of my gaze are prime for creeping right now because of all of the aforementioned laziness that I went through last week. Just as I am too out of it worry about behaving/dressing in a way that is socially acceptable, men with facial hair-a-plenty are too zoned out to remember to shave. We’ve also had our first snowfall of the season this week, and a bearded gentleman would be a fool to remove his built in face-warmer for fear of getting frost bite. So, while my brain may not be fully functioning this week, my eyesight sure is. So bearded gentlemen of Brock, I must thank you. If it wasn’t for you all I’d have to stare at would be my Zach Galifianakis screensaver, and he’s been smothering me a bit lately.
So, 10 days into the new year and I’ve started thinking about resolutions. I don’t usually make them because really, you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. When we neglect to cut red meat out of our diet, or only drink on weekends, or engage in some sort of exercise outside of walking from class to class, we feel bad about ourselves. That, friends, is not my jam. I like to feel good about myself 24/7, which typically I do. Something about 2012 though has me feeling stellar only 23/7. The one hour of the day that I absolutely hate myself is the hour that I first wake up, as I typically have been waking up loooong after hitting the snooze button, and often loooong after I was supposed to be somewhere or do something. So I lay in bed for yet another hour cursing my laziness, as well as Jimmy Fallon for being on so late at night. I still have a holiday hangover that my body just can’t seem to shake. I felt this disappointment in myself today when, upon returning home from my only class of the day which ended at 9am, I decided to return to bed for a cat nap. This cat nap extended into a full on hibernation and I didn’t wake up until 3pm. Nearly 6 hours lost and now I’ll be up all night cursing my weakness for cat naps. So on this day, January 10 2012, I determined to keep my resolution of….. not being so lazy, resisting my beloved cat naps (notice thats the fourth time I said cat naps? I love ‘em!) and only allowing myself to hit my snooze button ONCE. Uggghhhhhhhhhhhh.
1. Wrote a list of the ways that I will avoid procrastinating next semester. It’s my end of semester tradition.
2. Facebook chatted (textbook procrastination method).
3. Brewed 2 pots of coffee.
4. Spilled said coffee on my sweater then proceeded to hand wash said sweater.
5. Decided to try out trimming my own bangs. Who can afford regular haircuts these days, am I right?
6. Searched my bedroom and bathroom floors for bobby pins to fasten my massacred bangs to my head.
7. Became annoyed by how dirty my iphone case was, so naturally decided to wash it.
8. Decided to chronicle my shameful feats of laziness in this post.
Will she learn from the errors of her procrastinating ways? Or will you see this post RE-posted 5 months from now? Only time will tell.
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